I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
