I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
one might say we're banned from that church
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
