I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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