Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My ass is underappreciated
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
