haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
