She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
