I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
