the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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