everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
found the other keg... it's in the tree
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Sorry about my life...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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