I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
