WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I am midnight drunk by noon
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
