We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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