I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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