I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
