are you still at the devil's house?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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