Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Can you bring me the toilet please
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
