Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
