eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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