I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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