i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
