why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
