I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
