I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
