The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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