i think i have two assholes
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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