YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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