So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
