and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
