sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
