she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
