omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
