cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
