i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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