Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
