I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
