dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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