Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
