For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
