Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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