you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
