Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i came on her dog
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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