I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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