come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
