just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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