let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I believe in your delicious
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
