I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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