8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
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I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
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I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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