drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
