I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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