She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I understand Curling. That high.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
