You can't special order awesome
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
