Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
