Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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