I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So many bounce houses so little time
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
