his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
