I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
