It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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