Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
