I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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