3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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