I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
