yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
