so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
