she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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