Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
